Restricting abortion has never been about the children. It has always been about control.

Let’s explore the choices available to a woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and knows she doesn’t want to have a child.

Forced Pregnancy. I believe that forced pregnancy and forced child bearing are a form of slavery. It is horribly dehumanizing to require a woman to become an incubator against her will. No woman should be turned into a mere object – whether it be for sex, for entertainment, or for reproduction.

Indeed, “reproductive coercion” is currently being used as a form of domestic violence. It is one more way for abusive men to control women.  “As many as 75% of women between the ages of 18 and 49 who had a history of being in an abusive relationship also reported some form of reproductive coercion.” The problem is even more acute in the 16-29 year old age bracket. [1] Teenage girls and very young women are being forced to have babies against their will. In America. Today.

Women in abusive situations are re-victimized when they are forced to bear unwanted children. God has blessed women with the biological equipment to create a life, but this blessing is being misused to enslave women. Throughout history, women have been forced to pay the price of male predators over and over again, and society is quite content to blame the victim. “If she was only thus and so, she wouldn’t be in this situation….”  Well, it takes two people to create a life, and sometimes all it takes is one really depraved man (or one very cunning woman). Yet the woman suffers much more than just financial consequences from an unwanted pregnancy. Nine months of pregnancy takes a toll on the human body, and some women have very complicated pregnancies requiring hospitalization and bed rest. The experience of childbirth is no walk in the park either, especially if something goes wrong, and there is protracted labor or the need for an emergency c-section or other medical intervention. Women can die during childbirth, and some women have complications that result in permanent loss of their reproductive organs, preventing them from ever having a truly wanted child when they’re actually ready to parent one.

Pregnancy and childbirth are even harder on a young girl’s body. Little girls should be going to school, engaging in sports, and playing with their friends; they should not be raped and they should never be forced to grow their rapist’s babies and go through childbirth. Women and girls always bear the stigma of the men who impregnate them. The man doesn’t have to walk around with a swollen abdomen, physical and mental exhaustion, pregnancy-related health issues, unable to compete in sports or engage in normal childhood activities, and having to take time out of his life or disrupt his education to give birth and care for a baby. Men who impregnate women don’t have to walk around with the constant reminder and public pronouncement of what they’ve done; they generally get to carry on with their normal daily activities just as they did prior to impregnating anyone. Women and little girls are forced to show the world what has happened to them, and they are often shunned as a result.

Children Suffer The Most. Children born under these circumstances often suffer too. In fact, children suffer the most. Children who are unwanted, unloved or neglected suffer terribly. Children born into abusive homes are severely damaged by witnessing the abuse of a parent or sibling, and they typically become victims of abuse as well. Many even go on to become perpetrators themselves.

I have worked with a lot of abused and neglected children in the child welfare system. I have worked with mothers of those children. A large number of children who have been taken from their parents eventually become parents of children who are, in turn, ultimately taken from them.  There is a multi-generational cycle of poverty, drug addiction, child abuse, and innocent children floating around in the foster care system, children who are often being repeatedly brutalized and abandoned. The levels of child abuse in America today are staggering… and staggeringly repetitive.  Is this the quality of life we want to force upon any human being? There are times when the appropriate response to conception just might be: “Not right now, my little one. You deserve a better life. A much better life.” I simply cannot wrap my head around people who would intentionally thrust an innocent newborn into the jaws of hell… to be tortured and beaten and tormented and pimped …. to suffer horrifically day in and day out every single day of their sometimes very short lives. Is this what people mean by looking after the interests of the unborn child?  I’m sure these people mean well, but I can’t help perceive this as sheer wickedness… or despicable, self-righteous ignorance. How can anybody claim to know what’s best for other people when they have no real awareness of what it’s really like to actually be those other people… any other people?

Sibling Suffering. In addition to the potential suffering of the unwanted child forced into the world, his or her arrival can have a devastating impact on existing siblings and family members who are financially, emotionally and physically depleted. One more child might take a family from just enough food and maternal care to suddenly not enough of anything for anyone. A tired, hungry and stressed out mother with inadequate resources may be more inclined to vent her emotions on her children, to neglect or strike them, and to invite an undesirable male figure into the household.

Adoption. Due to circumstances beyond my birth mother’s control, I was given up for adoption as an infant. I was incredibly fortunate to be adopted by parents who did the best they could for me. I‘m grateful that my birth mother didn’t have an abortion (although I wouldn’t be here to know the difference if she had). Adoption clearly provides unwanted children with a family, and it enables childless adults to become parents. It is a wonderful choice. It is also a very complex, multi-layered issue. The biological mother and child (even newborns) sustain very deep primal wounds when they are separated … regardless of how “wonderful” the circumstances of the adoption might be.  [2]

I am also very grateful that someone wanted to adopt me. There are hundreds of thousands of unwanted children currently living in foster homes, shelters, and on the streets in America today. A large chunk of Americans balk at having to pay anything at all in order to house, feed, clothe, educate, or provide medical care for those children – even at minimalist levels. Most of those children have never been loved. Many are abused. It boggles my mind that this goes on, and that some people are actually fighting with all they’ve got in order to see more of this - while simultaneously wondering what is wrong with society. Perhaps every single person who opposes reproductive freedom of choice should be required to personally step in and fully parent at least one unwanted child for the rest of his or her life.

I’m not saying these children should never have been born.  I’m saying women should never be forced to have children against their will. There is a very real difference between those positions.

[1] https://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2014901,00.html

https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/Reproductive.pdf

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/files/3613/9611/7697/IPV_and_Reproductive_Coercion_Fact_Sheet_2012_FINAL.pdf

[2] Verrier, Nancy. The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child